SKT Episode 31: Gnome and Away
Vaguely Important Stuff –
The party enter Mirabar and collect the 5,000g reward. They also find and activate the Harper teleport circle in that city. They use the teleport circles to go back to Waterdeep and pay off Chazza Chazlauth (still TNAD).
They ask around about the frost giant with a white dragon helmet and learn that his name is Harshnag and he used to be part of an adventuring group called Force Grey that operated out of Waterdeep until about a decade ago when they retired due to becoming incredibly wealthy. Harshnag mostly avoids humans but is still occasionally seen in Waterdeep which he regards as home.
They have a quest in Bryn Shander way up north and they travel there via Luskan and the small village of Hundlestone where they buy cold weather gear. At Bryn Shander they learn that the city leader is absent and has taken a good chunk of the guards with her.
They meet a Knight of Tyr called Sir Baric Nyleaf in the pub. He is/was hunting the Weevil.
The town gets besieged by fourteen frost giants who are demanding that ‘Artus Cimber’ is handed over to them. No one knows who Artus Cimber is.
Really Important Stuff –
Regulus has a chat with the local Harper network and is promptly informed of that which he should have known in the first place; if you want to know about a legendary frost giant that was part of an adventuring group you should probably ask a bard and not a spy.
A bard was located in a posh tavern called The Gilded Meelay.
For some reason Kraj became fixated on what the Weevil was wanted for, so the DM read the wanted poster for him for like the fifteenth time or something <sigh>
Joffrey wanted white cold weather gear and, ignoring the suggestion of the locals to just stand in the snow for a while, bought a white yeti coat for 40g.
The Fantabulous Coffer of Conversion is used on the Bag of Tricks (Grey) and it became a Bag of Tricks (Purple) which allows the user to choose what to summon but only once per day and only for ten minutes.
- Bard> My name is Aloybarz Zoddlehaddle..
- Regulus> Alloooybaz… Zoddle.. Haddleow?
- DM> Bless you online gnomish name generator!
- Regulus> [flatly] He’s a gnome?
- DM> Yes.
- Regulus> Right, fuck off, we’ll go somewhere else!
- DM> Have I got to read out that fucking wanted poster again?!
- Celdar> Nah, don’t worry about it.
- DM> No, no, I’m finding it now! Fuck you!
- Regulus> I’ll ask the Gnomish Pontification System if it knows why the Weevil was wanted!
- [The DM reads the entire wanted poster in the squeaky GPS voice]
- Abelas> He called your bluff!
- Regulus> He did, and that was going above and beyond!
- DM> And we will now come back next week when my voice has come back!
SKT Episode 32: Welcome to the Suck
Vaguely Important Stuff –
The giants attacked the town, the adventurers (and Jake and Sir Baric) fought them off and looted a magnificent jewelled giant-sized war horn that they mounted on the battle wagon.
Really Important Stuff –
Sir Baric challenged the frost giant leader, Drufi, to a duel, she laughed at him.
Abelas dropped a Storm Sphere in the middle of the giants and it did a mighty 4 damage to two giants. Truly spectacular.
Sir Baric climbed onto the wall, adopted the blank-faced look of a half-wit, struck a majestic pose and insulted Drufi in a number of interesting ways including the implication if an incestuous relationship between her parents. Drufi raged and wasted her turn throwing a boulder at the battlements where Baric is hiding.
Jake’s suffered a wizarding fail and the rest of the group were extremely sympathetic:
Celdar rolled a stealth check so high Abelas forgot who he was. The master of stealth then decided to attack from exactly the same place he attacked from last time. The DM was not very scathing about this at all.
Joffrey turned Regulus into Regulapelas. Regulapelas throws a chunk of battlement at Drufi. He rolls a 1. Regulus remembers he has an inspiration! He uses it! He rolls another 1!
Sir Baric sauntered back up onto the battlements and made some more implications about Drufi’s parentage before taking cover from the pissed off boulder-throwing giant once again.
Abelas> I want them to actively think its too much of a faff to move away from this giant swirling storm of death!
SKT Episode 33: Where the Fuck is Elvira?
Vaguely Important Stuff –
The Sheriff of Bryn Shander deputised those that could be bothered to turn up and asked them to patrol along the river in Icewind Vale to see if the frost giants had truly left. They each now officially gain the title Deputy of Bryn Shander that they can put on their character sheets. Except Adam who admitted to stuffing up the city name so he is now presumably a Deputy of Byrn Shindar or something similar.
They successfully patrolled Icewind Dale and nearly died to three frost giants.
Really Important Stuff –
Jake informed everyone that his shopping would be turning up in a few minutes. Jake could offer no explanation as to why his shopping was not being delivered on any of the six days in the week that D&D does not occur.
Sir Baric called them a bunch of magnificent bastards and said he was off home as he had been stuck in ‘this shithole’ for too long. He also asked them to look in on an old friend Sir Lanniver if they got back to Waterdeep.
Mike, who couldn’t be bothered to turn up, became the proud owner of an indestructible clockwork gnome via a group stitch-up effort.
During the patrol they ran into three frost giants. The DM asked them if they wanted Regulus or Elvira present. They declined. They regretted that decision fairly soon after.
Jake dropped an Evard’s Black tentacles. In Talespire it was rather awesome:
Clay got twatted with three melee attacks… sorry ‘meelee’ attacks, we are up north after all (where the rivers have beaches), for a total of seventy five damage and drops unconscious. A moment of silence falls across the table while the players process those numbers.
Jake suffered some sort of existential crises asking questions like “What are we doing?” and “Why are we here?” Must have had a bad plant-burger.
Abelas taunted a frost giant and realised why wizards generally should avoid doing that when a large rock hit him in the face soon after.
- Some time later:
- DM> How long does vegan shopping take to get in?
- Adam> It’s got to be just three carrots and a leek hasn’t it?
- Jake> Right, I’m back, sorry!
- Matt> And some halloumi fries!
- Adam> And Haribo!
- Jake> Why do I sense some form of mockery?
- DM> Would you like either Regulus or Elvira to have accompanied you on this journey?
- Adam> [dismissively] No, they aren’t deputies!
- Matt> No, we can do this!
- Joffrey> Whoever dies in this battle has to come back as a gnome though!
- Abelas> Deal!
- Celdar> Deal!
- Clay> Deal!
- DM> [muttering] Hey-Zeus Aithch fucking…
- Joffrey> Right, Fireball on us yeah?
- Adam> Oh, the fire elemental can move through an opening 1 inch wide…
- DM> No, no, no, no, no…
- Adam> How big is a giant’s…
- DM> No!
DM – I’m fairly sure being slapped in the face by a giant soggy tentacle counts as a distraction…
- Jake> You ever wonder if you were the baddies?
- DM> [deep, deep sigh] They just attacked the fucking town!
- Jake> Oh yeah!
- Abelas> [rather pompously] To show my domination, I come out from behind my cover!
- Celdar> “To show my domination”?!!
SKT Episode 34: The Ice Giants Cometh
Vaguely Important Stuff –
The party returned to Bryn Shander in triumph and were joined by a cleric called Sirac who is the son of Artus Cimber who the frost giants were after. Sirac fears the giant’s are tracking Artus’ blood and so he is putting the town in danger by remaining there. The deputies (and Mike) offer to accompany Sirac to Waterdeep where a relative of his, the archmage Lord Zelarun Roaringhorn, resides.
They proceeded to the small village of Fireshear to learn how to ride griffons from a trainer called Dasharra. Dasharra mentioned that Harshnag had been seen in the area. During the training the village is attacked by frost giants from a ship in the harbour.
Harshnag turns up to fight the invading frost giants and the adventurers (and Jake) team up with him. Dasharra also joins the fight flying above on a griffon.
Really Important Stuff –
Adam couldn’t make it but somehow was still exerting a psychic influence over the players as they made several decisions which were… highly questionable at best and downright fucking stupid at worst.
There was a discussion on whether a rather tall frost giant, blinded to anything further than 5ft, can still see his ‘gentleman sausage’ or not. I don’t think I need to say any more about that.
- DM> Right fuck fucking Kraj, he can do one. We’ll treat him like Adam.
- Jake> That’s a bit harsh.
- Mike> Maybe your graphics card isn’t powerful enough Jake?
- Jake> I will stab you if I ever see you in person!
- DM> As you enter the map, a woman runs screaming past you, incoherently babbling about frost giants. And then a whole gaggle of gnomes run up shouting “Save us! Save us metal man! The frost giants are attacking! They are pillaging the town”.
- Regulus> Hmm. I’m finding it hard to motivate…
Abelas – Er.. not to metagame or anything [Jake obviously goes straight ahead and metagames] but couldn’t you flank?
DM – Somewhere, out in the Kentish darkness, a hooded figure is concentrating on a crystal ball, sending psychic tendrils around the county. It is muttering “Do what Beaver would do!” over and over again.
- Mike> So the Giantslayer does an extra 2d6 damage? Nice.
- Jake> To giants.
- Mike> Yes… I… obv… ugh…
- [hysterical laughter]
- Jake> Just in case you weren’t aware!
- DM> [Announcer voice] Aaaand today’s Stating the Blindingly Obvious prize goes to… Abelaaaaas!
- Jake> My robot friend…
- DM> “soulless” robot friend…
DM – Harshnag turns and walk over to the group, squints down at them and levels his axe at each in turn “Ah, the mighty Clay who fights nearly naked! Mistress Elvira, sharpshooter extraordinaire! And you must be Mister Regoolas, the famous wagon maker! And Abelarse, the one who falls off the wagon!” He looks at Celdar and says “I don’t know you” and then to everyone “I hear you have been looking for me?”
- Harshnag> Who told you to find me?
- Regulus> Er.. I thought Claugiyliamater told us…
- Harshnag> You know her name?!
- [laughter]
- Harshnag> You must be the chosen one!
SKT Episode 35: In Your Faaaaaace!
Vaguely Important Stuff –
They continue to fight frost giants in the village. The frost giants have wolves with them.
Really Important Stuff –
The DM’s microphone decided not to work because Microsoft are twats.
Benjamin arranged to get their legacy weapons upgraded.
Mike summoned Anonymoose but Talespire didn’t have a moose mini at that time so we got a cow instead. They called it… Anonymoo.
Important Verbalisations –
- Regulus> Benjamin, we’re coming!
- DM> Joffrey, you have the Ring of Demonic Horse Detection and you think you felt a very faint vibration on that finger.
- Joffrey> My ring is vibrating!
- DM> [sigh]
- DM> The only thing in the tent is a sturdy looking bench and on it is a large, flat chest.
- Matt> I had a girlfriend like that once!
- Adam> I was going to make a joke about Jake’s mum but its too early.
- DM> It is never too early for a Jake’s mum joke… its never too early for Jake’s mum! Bwahahahhahaaaa! … … sorry … … Not sorry!
- DM> So, purely as an examp…
- Matt> Michael Jackson’s Earth Song!
- DM> … purely.. eh… [sigh]
- [mucho laughter]
- DM> [resignedly] That is not an anthem is it? It’s a fucking dirge.
Celdar – I’m going full meelee spec!
- Regulus> That is udderly ridiculous!
- [groans]
- Celdar> Can you mooove him?
- [further groans]
- Celdar> How dairy you summon that!
- Regulus> Nice one! Cheesy!
- [The DM starts looking for the Discord kick button]