Episode 16: Snake Jazz
Vaguely Important Stuff –
They went looking for the ‘Womford Bat’ and met up with a cleric from Red Larch who was out and about drumming up support for a forthcoming mayoral election.
Rather unsurprisingly the ‘Bat’ turned out to be a full-fledged vampire with a couple of thralls and a some bat-swarm minions. They killed the thralls but the vampire pulled some legendary action bollocks and escaped.
Really Important Stuff –
Joffrey cast a Wind Wall hoping to contain the bat swarms. The fact that they could simply fly over it clearly never occurred to him.
Abelas pissed off the vampire by thunderstepping away with his lunch (Joffrey) and then the dice saved the gimpy wizard against every single attack the vampire made so he changed tactics, read his mind, and went after the wizard in a different way instead.
Snake jazz became a thing <sigh>
Important Verbalisations –
- DM> <quietly> How high is it?
- Joffrey> Er…
- <some sniggers are heard>
- DM> I believe the answer to that question is “Well… shit”
Abelas – I may be dead but I still know stuff!
- DM> Give it a good fisting!
- Regulus> Indeed!
- DM> Fist it in the wind hole!
- <embarrassed silence>
- Regulus> Er… yes.
Morticus Von Strimple: Do the gods somehow favour this barely-perambulatory varlet?!
- DM> That vampire spawn dashes down there next to… Binky.
- <shocked gasps>
- Abelas> You fucking what?!
- Regulus> <with brutal honesty> Well it’s you or Binky now.
- Joffrey> Right, I’m going to move 15ft this way… and as I’m doing that I’m going to be singing snake jazz.
- <silence>
- Joffrey> Tssst-tt Tss-tss-tst! Tssst-tst tssss-tsssst-tst!
- <silence>
- <suppressed giggling>
- <outright hysterical laughter>
SKT Episode 17: Barf Party
Vaguely Important Stuff –
Instead of pursuing the fleeing vampire, the adventurers (and Jake) opted to take a long rest so he escaped for good. However, the vampire has left the area so they collect their reward from Womford and gain passage down river to Goldenfields.
Whilst resting at the inn in Goldenfields the town comes under attack. The inn is attacked by ogres, bugbears and goblinses. These are defeated and they take a bugbear prisoner.
Really Important Stuff –
Jake forgot it was D&D day.
Mike couldn’t make make it because he had the covid. There was a lot of that going around.
Joffrey, Clay and Elvira decided to drink heavily at the inn while Abelas had a minor meltdown due to a sense of impending doom. He was of course right about that and the three of them had to fight drunk.
Elvira however, rolling initiative at disadvantage, rolled two 20s <sigh>. Abelas, despite being the only one not drunk and thus not rolling at disadvantage, still managed to go last. Some things are just inevitable.
The DM explained how the things that were attacking Goldenfields were doing so for a reason but they’d probably have to wait until next week to find out what it was. In reality it was over three months because this was the week that the DM got the covid.
There were 4 NPCs in the fight and the players took control and rolled initiative for them. They rolled 2, 1, 1 & 4. Well done everyone.
Drunken Elvira kills two goblins in two shots. Fucking Arcane Archers.
Joffrey is feeling queasy and the DM proposes a course of action from the Goonies. Turns out Adam has never seen the Goonies <sigh>.
Important Verbalisations –
- Clay> What was Elvira drinking? I want some!
- Elvira> Too right, I want that in real life!
- DM> Elvira, would you like to shoot the prisoner?
- <slight pause>
- Elvira> Er… yes?
SKT Episode 18: Regulus’s Day Off
Vaguely Important Stuff –
This was the first session in a couple of months after the DM used the excuse of ‘not being able to do stairs’ after his flirtation with covid. I don’t think I need to say any more about that.
The captured bugbear reveals that two hill giants called Lobb and Ogg led a force of goblins and bugbears to raid Goldenfields under the orders of the hill giant chieftain Guh. The giants have remained outside the town while three bands of raiders attempt to stealth in and steal food.
The second band of raiders were found and defeated at the animal pens and the last group were tracked down at the abbey. As they were defeated some injured soldiers appeared being chased by a pair of hill giants.
Really Important Stuff –
Kraj joined for the first time and the DM immediately blamed him for not having prepped properly.
Jake paid £8 for a mini and we all had to wait three hours while he figured out how to import it.
Important Verbalisations –
Mike – Jangle, jangle, now then, now then!
- Joffrey> What the fuck is this cat?
- Abelas> It’s just a cat.
- Joffrey> I don’t trust it!
- Abelas> Is that because it isn’t showing you its dick?
- <Surprised guffaw from Kraj who doesn’t know that particular story>
- DM> You are now the proud owners of an unconscious, manacled bugbear. Elvira, would you like to shoot the prisoner?
- Elvira> <Eagerly> Yeah!
- <groans and objections>
- Abelas> And then I run away!
- Joffrey> No one saw that coming!
- Abelas> Look, my entire thing is running away so fuckyoo!
- Abelas> Right, this is the important bit! This is where they make DC14 Dex saves!
- Regulus> Only DC14?
- Abelas> I will… er.. <depressed sigh>
SKT Episode 19: The Day The Music Died
Vaguely Important Stuff –
The two approaching giants were killed with only Regulus getting really messed up.
The adventurers (and Jake) defended a wall against a horde of bugbears and goblins with goblins being fired at them from siege ogres. They killed the siege ogres by using a giant ballista.
Really Important Stuff –
Matt rolled a 20 for initiative. No, he really, really did!
Abelas killed something with a sword. No, he really, really did!
Regulus took a 42 damage rock to the face, barely survived and asked if the rest of the party wouldn’t mind killing the giant that was targeting him. The rest of the party was of the opinion that he was “tanking it just fine” and that finishing off the first giant was their priority.
Kraj did this to the map:
Fucking Kraj!
A giant punched a giant badger named ‘Giant Badge’ and failed to kill it.
Important Verbalisations –
Regulus – …but no, you had to roll the wrong class!
- Abelas> I… will… level 1 Magic Missile…
- DM> OH YOU GOD-DAMNED PANSY! STAB IT!!
SKT Episode 20: Prostitutey Goblin Strippers
*I have to say I have no memory of why this episode was called this. Let’s find out shall we?
Vaguely Important Stuff –
They eliminated the siege ogres with Bertha the ballista and eventually eliminated or distracted the approaching goblin army as well.
Level 7 was achieved for the successful defence of Goldenfields and Celdar receives a matched kukri set called ‘The Devil & The Debt’ from Benjamin.
Really Important Stuff –
Regulus trolled Joffrey into dropping panic-snake form; Joffrey subsequently got hit by the very last spike-helmed goblin from the siege ogres.
Holly’s Hand Grenades of Anti-Lock became a thing.
Celdar casts a silent image of a ‘prostitutey looking goblin’ and had it do a provocative dance. This mesmerises a pack of goblins until Abelas hits the image with a Magic Missile <sigh>
Important Verbalisations –
Joffrey – Shoot your load!
- Abela> I shall…
- DM> STAB IT!!
- Abelas> Um… I shall…
- DM> STAB IT!!
- Abelas> Er… I shall…
- DM> OMG STAB IT!!!!
- Abelas> <sigh> I shall attempt to stab it…
- DM> YES!!!
Elvira – And I do a hair-flip!
Regulus – Sorry, I thought you turned into a snake not a pussy
Random Goblin – Ha-ha, only fourteen?!