SKT Episode 9: The Evermoor the Merrier!

Starring:

Author’s Note: The chapter headings for the second part of this write up are brought to you today by the movie Aliens and the letters <expletive deleted>.

That Which Must Be Repeated: This campaign contains hard encounters. It is often not required for all of you to kill all of them in order to succeed!

Season Recap: Chapter 1 – A Great Upheaval

– The party have save the fortified village of Nightstone from goblins following an attack by Cloud Giants from a floating castle (that went east).

– The characters travelled to Triboar and on the way met a cloud giant called Zephyros who travels in a floating tower. He explained that the ‘ordning’ (which regulates giant society) is broken and the players are destined to fix it.

– They helped defend the town of Triboar from a fire giant attack and ransacked a dead wizard’s house for loot with style darlings!

Pre-session Guff

Everyone was early! Except Christopher, obviously, who still hasn’t grasped the concept that if you want to finish on time, start earlier <sigh>

Nah, I’m just fucking with you mate.

Adam and Michael were on first though and they immediately started discussing potential horse names. The DM’s soul shrivelled under the relentless assault of corny bad dad joke names coming out.

The DM and Adam engaged in their traditional argument discussion about how you can or cannot polymorph into something you don’t actually know exists (a T-Rex). This argument discussion has been going on for at least a year and the basic propositions are:

Jake realises that riding horses only have 13 hit points and are squishy and is suddenly very protective of his.

Horsey McBBQ Horsefaces

The DM posts an Equine Horse Colour chart in Discord and asks the players to tell him the colour and name of their horses:

The DM pondered out loud about the wisdom of choosing white horses in a land filled with nasty predators. Eh, it’ll be fine. Probably.

But Binky is definitely getting eaten first if it comes to it.

Following the naming and the subsequent exchange between Regulus and Joffrey about how the Warforged’s horse is not to be eaten, the DM momentarily questioned his decision on the T-Rex just for the potential trolling value.

DM> Right, fuck the fucking late fucker, it’s quarter-to-seven. It might be a fairly short one tonight <it wasn’t> and everything is by the book <it wasn’t> so don’t blame me! Just getting that out there ahead of time in case it all goes terribly wrong.

Shopping Trading!

Last chance shopping was done. Joffrey bought a 10ft pole and a portable battering ram. He now has two of those for some reason.

Chris finally decided to turn up and there was the digital D&D equivalent of the Haka with two sides posturing and exchanging insults and silly faces for a while. It was highly entertaining.

Abelas gave the Bracers of Defence to Clay who sold them in town for 4,000 gold. The DM rolled the value as 11,000 but as one of the merchants pointed out, standard retail is 50% markup so they sell for half of what they would buy them for and then for specialist goods like magic items, they have to go to Waterdeep or Neverwinter. Then they have to hire guards and insure it and actually find a buyer who both has that amount of cash and wants that item.

It’s all hideously complicated and expensive.

Two sets of plate armour were purchased from the Coster, yay! That’s a major step for the two tanky characters, congratulations!

Isaac got some half-plate as well and then Joffrey asked about horse armour which was a bit of a joke from last week but the DM has looked it up and it is actually a thing in D&D… and yes, it is outrageously expensive.

Bethesda would be so fucking happy.

DM Note: you could buy 480 horses for that.

Joffrey purchases scale barding for Shelby which now has an AC of 14 plus its Dex modifier. This prompted a rush to look up riding horse stats:

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Gold was pooled and shared:

The players rest before heading out and attune to their items. Regulus’ utility belt changes as it attunes to him and the Aquabreather changes to a Targeting Monacle.

Quests!

The first quest they undertake is the delivery of saddles to Noanar’s Hold. This saddles are on a cart pulled by Boris the carthorse. Joffrey elects to drive the cart.

As they discussed their route around the five quests as if nothing would change between now and a couple of months travel, Jake dismissed the forest of Lurkwood as a ‘discount Mirkwood’.

Challenge accepted you young fool!

The DM explained that the faction quest to Everlund was the closest thing to a main quest right now. The main objective of the campaign is to stop the giants but they don’t even know what the problem is yet and they are way too low for tackling them. They are not prepared!

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The Gnomish Pontification System informed the players that Noanar’s Hold is 185 miles away… to the north. Further information would only be available when they are closer.

The first stop is Yartar which is 50 miles away. The group elected to travel at normal pace of 24 miles a day.

At the end of the first day’s watch it was discovered that Regulus doesn’t need to sleep but does have to have a motionless down period, but he’s still basically a motion sensor. Which might be useful.

They put on a bit of a spurt and arrive in Yartar the following day. Yartar plays no part in the story at the moment so I’ll skip the description until it matters except to say they heard the following rumours/stories:

– A bard sang tales of Force Grey, a famous adventuring group out of Waterdeep, who were notable for having a frost giant called Harshnag as a member.

– A rumour was overheard that a trade delegation from Mirabar had gone missing near Womford.

They stopped, rested and moved on to the next stop along the Evermoor Way; Calling Horns.

The Evermoor Way

*DM Note – After they are done with a place I’ll copy-past selected bits of the descriptions into the write up just you have a reference about the places visited. This is the stuff the Gnomish Pontification System has access to and is contained with the infamous demonic tome of Dee-Yundee Beayondey.

The Evermoor Way has long been a vital trade route, connecting the settlements of the Dessarin Valley with those of the Silver Marches. The section between Triboar and Yartar is an ancient road, relatively flat and composed of tight-fitting stones. East of Yartar, the road becomes a gravel and dirt wagon trail that passes a little too close to the Evermoors for most merchants’ comfort. Between Olostin’s Hold and Everlund, the trail passes through an area that used to be forest and is now full of tree stumps. Efforts to turn this long stretch into a proper road have long been thwarted by disagreements between the leaders of Yartar and Everlund, and Everlund’s exit from the Lords’ Alliance has dashed all hope.

Calling Horns

Calling Horns was nothing more than a trailside inn until a few years ago, when Tamalin Zoar (female human noble) bought the establishment and retired here. Using her hard-won wealth and influence, she attracted settlers to the region, giving rise to a small village whose citizens pay monthly “tithes” for Tamalin’s protection.

Still spry at sixty, Tamalin is “the law” in Calling Horns — an irony that never ceases to amuse her. She employs nine deputies (veterans of various races) who live in the village proper to help keep the peace. Tamalin also gives free room and board to adventurers who help solve local problems. Given the village’s proximity to the Evermoors, few villagers have cause to complain about Tamalin’s protection racket. She keeps them safe from orcs, trolls, and other monsters, and that’s good enough for them.

Calling Horns stands where Jundar’s Pass meets up with the Evermoor Way. The intersection is marked by a cairn of weathered and lichen-covered orc skulls that commemorates the long-ago slaughter of a horde here. The village proper is made up of rows of small log cottages with bark-shingled rooftops. The Calling Horns Inn, a large fieldstone structure with adjoining stables, stands atop a ridge that overlooks the intersection, surrounded by tall, old trees. The inn’s cellar contains an impressive selection of ales and wines.

You’re dogmeat pal!

The horses are put in the stables but then there’s a discussion about guarding the crate of saddles on the cart, outside, at night. This went on for a while until Tamalin sighed, pointed out they aren’t thinking very practically and suggested they simply bring the crate inside the inn.

Isaac hands out some of Lathander’s pamplets to the locals. Listening back, the DM realises he kind of skipped over some character building with Isaac and should have paid a bit more attention to the cleric and what he was trying to achieve.

At the very least the locals should have been somewhat happier than the DM intimated. After all, soft but strong paper is in short supply in the wilderness towns.

They mostly come at night… mostly

Later that night as they are sleeping in the inn (except Regulus) they are awakened by a disturbance outside from near the stables.

Tamalin enters the room and tells them that something is trying to get to their horses.

They now have to decide whether to put armour on or not before going outside. It takes several minutes to don armour because, as Regulus noted, they are badly designed organisms. They wisely decided not to waste any time and thus Binky did not get eaten.

This time.

There’s no way that horse is surviving Lurkwood though.

As is traditional (well it happened once before) the DM asked the characters what, exactly, they were wearing:

As they exit the inn they see two trolls attempting to break down the stable doors about 60ft away.

FUCK MY DICK!

Isaac gently expresses his minor disappointment as he rolls a 4 for initiative and decides he dislikes playing a character with no Dex.

Regulus opens proceedings with a double crotch cannon lightning blast and hit with both.

Ok, to the DM it is obvious but apparently not to the druid so let me call in a friend to succinctly sum up the tactical situation currently facing the players:

A Guide to Tactical Threat Assessment by Guest Instructor Drikk Fra-Kar (six-time grand champion of the Luskan extreme arena)

A good friend of mine has asked me to summarise the tactical situation without swearing too much, so let’s give it a <expletive deleted> good <expletive deleted> try shall we?

Look Buttercup, it boils down to figuring out what the <expletive deleted> they have, what the <expletive deleted> you have and how you are going to use your shit to <expletive deleted> up their shit in an aggressive and effective manner so you can readily achieve your mission objectives and spend all your loot on ale and whores, ok?

It’s a bit like a divorce.

Enemy Tactical Assessment: Big, green, <expletive deleted> ugly mother<expletive deleteds> who seem to be manly melee specialists and, importantly Princess, they are a long <expletive deleted> way away from you.

Allied Tactical Assessment: One slightly <expletive deleted> gimpy dress wearing finger wiggler, one specialist archer who can hit shit from the next <expletive deleted> realm if she has to, one psycho bot with a mother-<expletive deleted> crotch cannon, a mainly manly melee fighter and a poncy tree hugging shapeshifter who, apparently, is capable of occasionally casting spells that can utterly <expletive deleted> the movement of others.

Situational Tactical Awareness: Half of your party seem to have mislaid their <expletive deleted> armour somewhere so it would be a REALLY good <expletive deleted> idea if someone managed to stop those <expletive deleted> fuglies from getting anywhere near your <expletive deleted> position and save your unusually squishy <expletive deleted> backsides so that one day you can run home to your mommy and tell her how <expletive deleted> brave you were!

Oh, and tell her I said ‘Hi’.

She’ll remember.

Battle Plan Considerations: I’ll let you in on a little secret Florence: the gods chose to imbue us humanoids with opposable thumbs and some seriously good <expletive deleted> woodworking skills and, for those less manly than the rest of us, girly-magic.

So don’t get into an <expletive deleted> boxing match with a gorilla when you can stand a long <expletive deleted> way away and shoot the dumb <expletive deleted> son of a <expletive deleted> with pointy things, flamey things and sizzling shit!

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit.

Thanks again Drikk! Now, where the <expletive deleted> were we? Oh yes, the DM wanted Joffrey to DO IT!

There are a few ways to use Spike Growth but the main two are to either cast it directly onto the enemies or cast it between you and them. The first has the advantage of definitely dealing damage and slowing them but has less effect on controlling their movement. The second method gives them a choice (if they see it cast) of either going through it, or around it. This will depend on how smart or how pissed off they are. Either way, the second option buys you time to pummel the crap out of them as they try to get to you.

Joffrey chooses the first option and casts the growth directly onto the trolls with about 15ft of it between the closest one and the edge.

The DM then had major problems simply changing the colour of the line tool in TTS.

Clay managed to stick an errant arrow in the side of the cart but not much else. It’s ok, Elvira is next and she can hit shit!

Yeah, she rolled a 1 and hit Isaac’s ear first and then the cart second.

Abelas> Do you want to use a magic arrow?

<sigh>

The second Elvira attack hit and a Shadow Arrow was expended but the troll made the save.

Abelas thinks about it for all of about a quarter second and then Fireballs the shit out of everything except the stable having come under dire threats from the others if he were to nuke their horses.

It’s a thing now Adam!

The trolls move through the Spike Growth, the first one takes 20 damage and the second one takes 15 and dies. Which was nice.

Independently targeting particle beam phalanx.

Combat continues and Regulus did indeed stand a long <expletive deleted> way away and shot the dumb <expletive deleted> son of a <expletive deleted> with sizzling shit.

Joffrey tried to be clever and Thorn Whip the troll out of the Spike Growth but rolled a 2 for attack and was mildly disappointed; “God fucking shit!”.

Indeed.

Clay and Elvira join in with the ranged attacks with Elvira being slightly better at it than the melee guy; “Er… 26 to hit?”

Several players and the DM invoke a heathen deity at that one.

“Save us Abacus!” Was the cry from Isaac, but Abelas declined to Fireball and went with a Chromatic Orb. He hit for 7 damage. The troll had 8 hit points. Shame really.

Michael inquired about the other troll regenerating and the DM mistakenly said it wouldn’t. Look, trolls don’t regenerate from dead on Thursdays between midnight and 2am local in the Evermoors ok? It’s in the UA. Trust me, I’m a DM.

Troll number 1 regenerates 10hp and runs at Joffrey. It comes up five feet short <sigh>

The DM stuffed the initiative and forgot Isaac <sigh>. At least this week Christopher was here to point out the error. He Tolled the Dead on the troll for 21 damage, which was tasty and killed the second troll. End of combat.

Tamalin thanks them, offers them some of the good stuff from the cellar and asks them to travel into the Evermoors, spend a couple of nights there and see if they can find out what is riling up the local troll population. In return she offers a letter of recommendation which is essentially a favour from important people. More importantly, the bearers can avoid law enforcement problems… or at least diminish them somewhat.

The characters agree, finish their interrupted rest and head into the Evermoors the next day.

The Evermoors

The Evermoors is a vast, unsettled area of fog-shrouded hills, cold bogs, rocky ridges, and small peaks. Adventurers crossing this expanse might spot the occasional castle ruin or crumbled tower — a remnant of a bygone realm. Although the region attracts many prospectors, no kingdom or civilization in recent history has been able to tame it. Savage hill giants, ettins, ogres, orcs, and trolls dwell here in great numbers. Settlements that stand on the edge of the Evermoors face constant threats from these and other monsters.

We’re in the pipe, five by five

On the first day they spot a cloud giant castle about a mile in the sky heading east to west. Overnight rest is uneventful but around mid-morning on the second day, they hear a commotion coming from behind a large rock ahead of them with the sound of a large hand hitting something meaty and something speaking giant berating something else.

Joffrey polymorphs into a giant owl and goes scouting and there is some debate about Clay or another sucker volunteer goes with him with Pass Without a Trace active (+10 to stealth). No one was stupid enough to try it. More specifically, Operation Flying Wizerd singularly failed to get off the ground.

The DM doesn’t have a giant owl mini so instead Leroy the map revealer was drafted and Joffrey polymorphed into a giant blood hawk instead. Remarkably it has exactly the same stats as a giant owl!

Joffrey flies over the rock and spots a fire giant slapping around a troll. He hovers nearby and discovers that the fire giant appears to have enslaved the troll and is rather unhappy with it as it has failed to find her something to eat.

This fairly simple act actually resolves the quest; the giants are enslaving the trolls so the trolls are travelling further from their usual haunts.

The question now was whether or not to attempt to <expletive deleted> the giant and the troll.

Despite being in perfectly good cover behind a perfectly good rock with the big dangerous enemies a really long way off who had not noticed them yet, they chose to get closer before starting combat.

We’re on an express elevator to hell, going down!

The DM was a bit scathing about these tactics later but that’s because when the DM plays these scenarios he plays all the characters so having the cleric, for example, do nothing for a couple of turns because the giant is out of range is no big deal. For the players, spending 40 minutes doing bugger all while the long range <expletive deleteds> plink away is actually a pretty big deal and tactics be damned.

The DM’s preferred tactic is for each character to step out from around the bottom of the rock, shoot and step back into cover. If the fuglies want to get to them, they have to travel a long damn way, through a well-placed Spike Growth, while getting shot to shit. The players had a different idea though; they went up the left side of the big rock and got a LOT closer to the enemies.

By the end of this fight the DM was rather grumpy with life in general because he felt the giant got fucked more by the dice than by the players. However, reviewing it back it wasn’t quite so clear cut, as we shall see.

Roll initiative!

The cleric was a tiny bit miffed with the roll of 3.

Unknown to the players, the troll has a specific behaviour protocol. It will roll a d20 and depending upon the outcome either run away, dither and do nothing or join the fight. That is unless it is attacked, obviously.

Abelas nuked both the giant and troll, obviously. Starting off a surprise round, his Lightning Bolt hit each target for 30 but they both made the save and it was reduced to 15. Shame really.

Importantly, Abelas, by far the squishiest party member, had stepped out of cover to cast his spell and then neglected to step back into cover again. The DM fully intended to punish the gimpy wizerd for that mistake with a +11 to hit, 29 damage boulder on the giant’s next turn.

As Drikk Fra-Kar, six-time grand champion of the Luskan extreme arena once said: Oh for <expletive deleted> sake Florence! This is really <expletive deleted> basic tactical <expletive deleted> awareness!

You didn’t tell me there was an android on this mission, why not?

Regulus cast Faerie Fire at the pair and they both made the save again. Shame really.

Elvira steps out:

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Unsurprisingly, she hits the giant and then uses a Shadow Arrow for the added psychic damage and the giant has to make a save against being unable to see past 5 feet. He failed it and that really was a shame.

Joffrey casts Spike Growth directly south of the giant and the troll. This is at an angle to the party, it is not directly between the players and the giant. This is fine if they stay where they are or move to the east. It won’t be so great of they head north and try and get around the rock next to the giant.

Clay longbows it but rolls a 1. Shame really.

Isaac steps up and casts a level 3 Guiding Bolt… and misses. Shame really.

Start of a new round and Abelas casts Chromatic Orb (at level 3) at the giant and, despite the DM’s urging decided it was lightning and not fire damage. It hit for 30 damage which was fairly impressive.

However, Abelas once again neglected to take cover behind the rock right next to him but because the Arcane <expletive deleted> Archer hit the <expletive deleted> giant again, and it failed the <expletive deleted> save again, it can only administer corrective punishment at disadvantage <sigh>.

Arcane fucking Archers eh?

That… could have gone better

The giant throws a boulder at the wizerd with disadvantage and rolls a 2 and a 7. Well, shit.

Then the <expletive deleted> druid stepped up and cast <expletive deleted>Tidal Wave which the <expletive deleted> giant failed the save on, because what the <expletive deleted> else would it do, and was knocked <expletive deleted> prone <sigh>

The troll gets a go and because they attacked it, it attacks them. At least it tried to once it stood up from being knocked prone from the Tidal Wave and it promptly walked straight into a bunch of spikes. However, as it only had half its movement speed left it took very little damage from the Spike Growth. Shame really.

Christopher then had to leave and everyone said a fond farewell and then were rude about him once he had left. Good times.

I’m only joking mate, as you probably recall we were rude about you before you left.

Abelas lobs in a Shatter and remembers to take cover this time. Various other pointy and sizzly things were thrown at the two baddies but eventually the giant gets another turn and the DM points out the slight flaw in their plan; the giant wants to get to whatever caused it the most damage (Abelas) but, because they are behind a rock at an angle, the easiest way for the giant to attack the gimpy wizerd is to go sideways and not through the Spike Growth. Shame really.

The giant, 75 feet away, rolls an attack at Abelas:

And then we had a couple of minutes of ‘fuck me D&D is complicated’ as we all attempted to figure out just how much Bladesinger AC cheese seems acceptable. It’s mainly a question of what stacks and what doesn’t and the DM got it wrong at the time but I’m still not sure what would be right. Opinions are divided online and the rules aint that clear.

TLDR; I’m still thinking about it Jake but you’ll be better off this week then you were last week and shouldn’t be lacking in AC going forwards.

Joffrey turns into a Giant Elk and charges the fire giant, he has reach of 10ft because druid cheese but he rolls low and misses. However, he does have an inspiration from last week and used that and hit. He was somewhat disappointed with the rather low damage roll though; “Oh wot?! That’s a bit wank innit?”

Indeed.

However, the giant gets 10ft of reach as well but its Clay’s turn first. This has not been a great fight for Clay as melee hasn’t happened worth a damn so far and he has been stuck with a longbow but he’s contributing.

Isaac’s turn and Michael challenged the DM to use a Guiding Bolt just to show how utterly crap at dice Christopher is. Challenge accepted!

The DM rolls a 19!

Lols all around.

Absolute badasses

Abelas Regulus and Elvira pile on the damage and the giant is looking distinctly worse for wear.

The giant is up next though and it manoeuvrers around the moose to get a flanking bonus.

Indeed.

Joffrey is punted out of Elk form and takes a further 14 damage and thinks about turning into ‘panic snake’ on his turn but first drops a Call Lightning and nukes the giant for a measly 5 damage.

It only had 3 hit points left.

FIRE GIANT DOWN!

Clay finally gets to use his shiny new greatsword and executes the troll.

Due to the number of players vs a single big creature and all the imbalance that brings without lair actions and legendary resistances, I almost doubled the giant’s hit points for this fight. I felt a bit guilty about that at the start but not at the end, so nice work everyone!

Keep this shit up and I’ll have to start planning stuff properly.

End of Session

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Next time on Ten-foot Squares:

Tune in next week to find out!