SKT Episode 2: Tonight, we dine in hell! (or the inn!)

Starring:

Adam as Q’Aren the Fighter – Oh… they move a lot further than I thought!
Jake as ~~Abelas~~ Lastbelas the gimpy Wizard – If I wasn’t so gimpy, I’d be in there!
Mike as Regulus the Artificer – Why would you… why… <words fail Mike at this point>
Christina as Elvira the Arcane Archer – I levitate the cat!
Chris as Isaac the Cleric – I can’t believe I exposed myself to you again!
The DM/Major Butthurt – For fuck sake, is it attention deficit disorder night tonight?!!

Author’s note: The DM would like to apologise to the players for being grumpier than normal. I’m going with sleep deprivation but mainly it was just Chris… and Adam… and Jake… And Mike. But not Christina.

Chapter 1 – A Great Upheaval

The party have arrived in the fortified village of Nightstone only to find its human inhabitants have fled following an aerial attack by giants in a floating castle. The village was cleared of scavenging goblins and an attempt by the Zhentarim to take over the village was foiled. Our heroes have enjoyed a good night’s rest but in the morning, a new threat emerges.

Pre-session Guff

Matt decided not to bother turning up because apparently playing football in 90 degree heat is preferable to playing D&D. I don’t think I need to say any more about that..

Chris eventually decided to turn up this week and promptly blamed Microsoft for ~~eating his homework~~ causing the delay (pfft).

Mike took issue with Chris for recommending Horizon Zero Dawn without warning Mike that he would have to play as a ginger.

Chris created his character and rolled decent Wisdom and Charisma and a truly impressive 5 for Intelligence. However, as Chris correctly observed “I don’t have to be intelligent to hit things”. Although he followed that up with “How do you like those stats Adam, you little dickweasel?” which set the tone for the lengthy discussion which followed about which character Chris should make with those stats.

Jake and Mike admitted to joining Epic Games. The DM immediately disowned them and hoped they got digitally shafted when Trump bans Fortnight and by giving all their data to Tencent.

Five minutes after completing rolling his dice, Chris asked if we were all just waiting on him. We were. At ten minutes after dice roll, with Chris still putting his character together and Adam still calling out random suggestions such as “Multiclass Bard/Druid!” and “Shadow Sorcerers are cool!” the DM rather unhelpfully played Under Pressure on the discord music bot.

The DM then reminded all present that the session audio was being recorded and that it would be deleted as soon as the write-up was complete. The side effect of this is that the DM knew exactly how long it took for Chris to make his character. Mike pointed out that Jake could have had a whole round of combat in the time it had taken Chris so far.

Just for the record, in Princes of the Apocalypse, Kroq once spent 12.5 minutes on one turn. Chris created his Tabaxi Cleric in just under 11 minutes.

Adam mocked Mike for mispronouncing Genasi. The DM mocked Adam for mispronouncing Drow.

The choice of faction came up for Chris’ cleric and it was generally felt that the Order of the Gauntlet fitted the ‘nice but dim’ theme.

Give them nothing! But take from them… everything!

Breakfast in the partially-demolished inn was interrupted by one of the town guards bringing news of a disturbance outside the gates. The players proceeded up the gatehouse towers and witnessed an orc warband emerging from the early morning mist. There were around twenty orcs plus a war chief and a shaman.

Observations of the warband showed that they had no baggage train or other supplies, several of them were wounded, some with arrows still sticking out of them, and the shaman was holding an unusual looking staff.

At this point Chris stated he was having trouble with the D&D Beyond app due to having two accounts. In amongst a barrage of abuse, mostly about not being willing to pay the trivial amount for the yearly sub was this exchange:

Adam> <rather smugly> I haven’t paid and I have just the amount of characters I need.
Chris> Yes, but you’re not DMing a campaign you little twerp so shut up.
Adam> Well that’s your fault for not doing paper-based!
Chris> I… wha..? I’m doing it on… Shut the fuck up! Christ, I can’t believe I exposed myself to you again… <sigh> That’s the wrong wording!
DM> <amidst general laughter> Well, that’s your quote for the week!
Chris <sigh> Thanks Gary.

Welcome back Chris, it’s like you were never away 🙂

Back in the world where you can make it up, the orc war chief (Gurrash) shouted for his warband to ‘Take the stronghold before they catch us!’. There’s a clue there:

– Something stronger than the Orcs attacked them

– The Orcs really need to get inside the fortifications

– If the party hold on long enough, the Orc’s attackers should show up

It went utterly unnoticed of course. It wasn’t the only thing that went unnoticed this night but it was probably the most important one.

Roll initiative!

This is where we hold them! This is where we fight! This is where they die!

Initiative rolls caused some amusement for two reasons:

– Jake/Abelas ended up with a really quite impressive 2 for initiative.

– The DM pointed out that all of the Orcs have both more intelligence than the cleric and more dexterity than the wizard.

The DM specifically asked Q’Aren if she were going to repeat what the orc war chief shouted to his warband and Q’Aren did so. So now they were aware of it twice.

Regulus> Can I shoot at Nagora One-Eye?
Q’Aren> Wait… you’re going to shoot them?
Regulus> <exasperated> Yes! You just told us they said they were going to attack!
Q’Aren> I didn’t say they said ‘attack’ I said they said ‘take’!
*Everyone else sighs heavily

Regulus shoots at Nagora and misses by quite a large margin. It is subsequently deduced that the Orc Shaman must have some kind of missile deflecting shield!

As a bonus action the orcs get to move up to 30ft towards a target they can see and they have enough strength to be able to jump the gap where the raised drawbridge is. Seeing twenty orcs charging the gates, Q’Aren pondered stabbing everyone and changing allegiance.

The orcs spread out on the narrow ledge between the palisade and the water. A few of the closer ones made it without dashing and some attempted to climb the palisade and found it was designed not to be climbed. A couple of others launched javelin attacks at the defenders in the towers and hit the new cleric.

On her turn, Q’Aren attempted to negotiate:

Q’Aren> Don’t attack! We can come to some sort of agreement. It won’t affect your statutory rights!
Gurrash> The only ‘agreement’ we are going to come to, half-breed, is which side of my belt your head ends up hanging on.

Shots fired!

Q’Aren responded with an assertion of rights delivered by light crossbow which hit Gurrash for three damage.

Elvira stepped up and even with her to-hit she missed the shaman. “It’s because of that forcefield” was the excuse rendered, with Regulus agreeing fully.

Gurrash, seeing that the palisade is unassaultable (made up word!) orders the orcs to retreat. Then it is Norgra’s turn:

DM> She is going to point at… Q’Aren and she speaks a command. Could you make a Wisdom saving throw please?
> silence
> more silence
> and a little bit more silence still
Chris> Have you been charging those dice Adam?
>silence
Jake> Have we lost Adam?
Chris> ‘Loss’ is a strong word…
Jake> <going full-existential> Was he ever really here?
Adam> What’s what?
> general muttered swearing from several people
Mike> Make a Wisdom saving throw Adam…
Jake> Did you hear anything of that?!
Adam> No.. I did say I’m going to quickly run to the loo

<sigh> It will surprise you not one iota, gentle reader, to learn that the DM has gone back through the audio and Adam at no point mentioned he was leaving for anything.

Q’Aren made the save and thus ‘half-orc base-jumping’ was not a thing. The DM was unimpressed.

The final player was Abelas, nicknamed Lastbelas for this fight. Lastbelas went for a Toll the Dead at which point Adam, who once played a wizard for a significant chunk of a campaign, objected because he thought wizards don’t get Toll the Dead <sigh>.

Another round started with the orcs continuing to retreat while the party peppered them with ranged attacks. Gurrash ordered four orcs to swim downstream and scout the island.

Earth and water… You’ll find plenty of both down there

Regulus quickly realises that the weak spot in the defences is on the southern end where the bridge from the keep breaches the palisade and he heads off in that direction. He asks about the ruined watchtower in the corner and the DM confirmed that it was indeed ruined but the outer 20ft high wall was solid.

Isaac spent his turn hugging everyone because they had clearly won the battle now that the orcs were retreating. This bit of deliberately misunderstanding the situation earned a ‘free hugs!’ inspiration from the DM who was all too used to his players not deliberately misunderstanding things (yes, that’s an insult).

At this point, about an hour into the fight, the DM realised he hadn’t added the Town Guards to the initiative board <sigh> Finger <-> pulse.

Regulus, Abelas, Isaac and Elvira sprinted towards the bridge. Well, Regulus, Isaac and Elvira sprinted, Abelas kind of hobbled along a bit. At this point the DM and Regulus got into a disagreement about movement speed and listening back to it the DM sounds far more serious about it than he was feeling. I guess that’s something we lose from not being around the table unfortunately.

Q’Aren decided to stay put saying “I’m not running all the way over there based on a theory!”

Lastbelas asked about the ruined watchtower in the corner and the DM confirmed, again, that it was indeed ruined but the outer 20ft high wall was solid.

The bridge ends at a 20ft gap in the palisade above a 10ft muddy slope down to the water. This muddy slope extends all the way around the outside of the palisade.

At this point Q’Aren asked if she could lower the drawbridge by herself. Major Butthurt turned up and the DM, with only the tiniest sliver of sarcasm, reminded the player of all the times he had said that the drawbridge takes two people to operate AND of the practical demonstration of that when the Zhentarim spy couldn’t lower it herself.

Then Q’Aren, who was on a roll at this point, questioned the defensive architecture of the bridge-palisade combo, leading the DM to respond, again with hardly any sarcasm at all “It’s almost as if there’s an entire fucking keep, with a curtain wall, dedicated to protecting this fucking area! Ooh! Look! Guardhouses!”

Having seen everyone else bugger off, the penny drops with Q’Aren and she starts sprinting off after the others.

The orcs in the river swam into sight of the breach and immediately split up with two of them swimming back towards the mainland and two carrying on towards the bridge. On their next turn, having been shot at by the players on the bridge, the DM had the two that stayed in the river duck underwater. His exact words were:

“These ones submerge under the water and you lose sight of them. I’m just going to park them there for now” and the two minis were moved out of the way up by the keep wall so they were handy for when the DM needed them to ambush the ~~targets~~ players on the bridge who were too cool to take cover.

At this point ~~Abelas~~ Lastbelas gained an unwarranted obsession with being on the far side of the bridge instead of, say, the near side where everyone else and the palisade was.

Elvira let loose with a longbow at the two runners and nailed one at 120ft lopping off half his hit points but then all of the rest of the orcs charge out of the fog heading for the bridge.

This is NOT where we should hold them! This is NOT where we should fight! This is NOT where they die!

Lastbelas, continuing his obsession with the far side of the bridge, crossed the repaired gap and move higher up the bridge to ensure he was seen by as many of the oncoming enemy as possible and that he was as far away from any cover as possible. He then attempted to engage the two minis the DM had parked ‘out of the way’ prompting another appearance by Major Butthurt as the DM got unnecessarily grumpy at him.

Regulus then ‘got it’ and suggested they defend from the palisade gap but he then ‘lost it’ when he suggested they try and barricade it. The orcs are dashing 90ft per turn which is going to put them at the gap in around three turns… or 18 seconds in-game time. The DM did not actually point this out at the time as he was enjoying seeing the various proposals Mike was coming up with that couldn’t possibly work in time.

Alas, Adam got impatient and politely suggested Mike might want to start thinking about wrapping up the planning and doing something else:

“OH MY GOD JUST SHOOT ONE!!”

Indeed. When further abuse was heaped on by Chris and the DM, Mike plaintively (and accurately) pointed out that he was the only one thinking about making this place defensible.

As the orcs surged forward, Chris made a comment missed by the DM at the time (moving 20 orcs is a pain) but it was quite pertinent “Someone should have asked them what they were running from”.

We’ll find out soon!

The two underwater scouts popped out onto the bridge and one of them took a big chunk off of Q’Aren’s hit point total with a greataxe. Q’Aren was looking a bit ropey. She was low on health too.

Regulus pointed out that he wanted it remembered that later, when they were getting bummed by the orcs, he had wanted to barricade the palisade gap. He was roundly mocked and abused by the rest of the party but mostly by Q’Aren.

Isaac attacked and failed to move off the bridge into cover, but he does have an Int of 5. Q’Aren drops her shield, pulls a greatsword and decapitates one of the orcs on the bridge.

I suppose this discussion was inevitable but it took place about an hour and twenty minutes into the fight:

Q’Aren> Oh, what I might do though, because I completely forgot about it until just now… SECOND WIND!
Regulus> Niiice!
Q’Aren> I don’t need healers! Awww.. five.
*There is now a few seconds of silence while everyone’s brains catch up on the other thing Fighters have at level 2
Regulus> Erm… couldn’t you action surge as well?
*far off in the distance, the faint sound of a penny dropping can be heard…
Lastbelas> Yeah… you can
Q’Aren> Can I?!!
DM> /facepalm
Q’Aren> ACTION SUUUURGE!

And the rest of the party tries to sigh and laugh at the same time.

Q’Aren attacked the second orc on the bridge, hit it, rolled a 1 for damage, announced proudly that she gets to re-roll ones, and promptly rolled another one. The orc was left with one hit point.

Lastbelas gets ready to end its sorry existence but the DM noted it was Elvira’s go next and, much to the disappointment of Jake, she finished it off with a swift shortsword thrust.

Isaac asked about the ruined tower and the DM repeated everything he had previously said about the ruined tower (twice) <sigh>.

Isaac> How are those two orcs looking?
DM> 17 is nearly dead.
Isaac> I will Toll the Dead on orc 17 please!
DM> He failed the save..
Isaac> He’s brown bread! Er.. oh wait I have to roll for damage right?
Regulus> I can hear Gary praying for a 1 here
*Isaac rolls a 1
*laughter all round
Isaac> <sigh> Cocks!
DM> Karma heard you and responded!

Having finished his attack, the character with the Int score of 5 then moved behind the palisade into full cover leaving all the ‘smart’ people standing on the bridge like a bunch of javelin targets.

Madman… You’re a madman!

So now the orcs have crossed the river and are stacked up on the bank and are about to come storming down towards the bridge. “This is where they finally see sense and hole up somewhere” thought the DM. But no. Some players had other ideas.

DM> Q’Aren’s turn
Q’Aren> Erm… I can’t quite charge into them can I?
Isaac> No… I was thinking that..
DM> <laughing> Why would you want to try?!!
Q’Aren> Because I can’t hit them from here!
Regulus> I have to wonder; what’s our end goal now?
DM> What’s the most defensible position here? It’s this gap..
Regulus> Yes! It’s that gap there!
DM> But no! Let’s abandon it and charge in so I can put an orc here, here, here… <this went on for some time as the DM plainly indicated exactly where the 17 oncoming orcs were going to end up on their next turn>
Q’Aren> Yeah but I’ll stop them getting to <unintelligible>. I can’t do anything from range!

So there you have it folks, instead of spending a round doing nothing, getting defensive, and thus surviving to dish out heaps of damage to compacted orc hordes in future turns, Billy 5-clicks just had to do something this turn.

As Drikk Fra-Kar, six-time grand champion of the Luskan extreme arena once said: “Oh by Moradin’s scuffed left nut, this isn’t even tactics, it’s just ‘not being really, REALLY fucking stupid’. This is me getting remarried levels of stupid.”

Lastbelas> THEN WAIT FOR THEM TO COME AT YOUUUUU!

Regulus> <clearly having given up on common sense> Focus your inner Jake! Don’t worry about damage!

Lastbelas/Jake> If I wasn’t so gimpy, I’d be in there!
*The DM was laughing at this point… but also crying inside a little bit.
Q’Aren> Oh… That’s what Q’Aren would do! It’s worked every single time for her so far!
(That’s once by the way, for those keeping count)
Q’Aren> I can’t quite reach them can I?
Lastbelas> Oh Christ, he genuinely is charging them!
DM> No you end up here <moves Q’Aren to within 10ft of the orcs>
*It has finally sunk in to Mike that yes, this staggering stupidity is actually about to happen.
Regulus> Why would you… why… <words fail Mike at this point>
Lastbelas> She’s gonna die and I’m not even that bothered.
Q’Aren <laughing> I take the dodge action!
Elvira> <incredulously> Have you not got a shortbow?
*There now follows a short discussion on the merits of just about any ranged attack over what the fuck Adam just did. It accomplished nothing.
Q’Aren> Q’Aren has made her decision!
Regulus> Q’Aren has just lost us this town 🙁
Q’Aren> I believe that Elvira can save me.

You might want to remember that particular quote.

The DM puts the theme from MASH on the discord bot; suicide is painless. This one won’t be.

Elvira steps up and cuts loose with her, admittedly impressive, longbow attack. She only gets one of those however and there are sixteen orcs about to descend on Q’Aren.

Elvira> Can I levitate him back?

Christina immediately recognises her mistake; no, not that the creature must be willing, but that she just misgendered Q’Aren!

BUUUUURN THE HERETIC!

Having corrected that horrendous oversight, Elvira realised that levitate would only suspend Q’Aren 20ft in the air.

Lastbelas> It’s ok Christina, let the past die.

Lastbelas then fails a Toll the Dead and then fails to move into cover.

The DM starts moving orcs and, despite the fact that Adam has now seen these orcs move repeatedly, and heard the DM repeatedly say “they bonus move their speed towards hostiles” AND despite the fact that the DM CLEARLY showed Adam EXACTLY where the orcs were going to move next turn, he still said “Oh… they move a lot further than I thought”

Desperate now, Adam tries to cheese in the ‘melee attackers blocking ranged attacks’ optional rule. The cheese failed.

Why would you… why… <words fail Mike at this point>

Q’Aren faced 5 melee attacks (Greataxe – 9 damage) and twelve javelin attacks. One melee hit took the half-orc down to 1 hit point and the first javelin attack knocked her unconscious.

FIGHTER DOWN!

Q’Aren> I didn’t expect that many to be on me!
*The DM had given up and couldn’t even summon up a response. Jake did it for him:
Lastbelas> Well, you’re a fucking idiot.
*laughter
Q’Aren> I expected three or four!
*Incredulous laughter around the table
Lastbelas> <pointing> They were all THERE!

I’m not sure if this is the stupidest thing I have seen in D&D. I’ll ask the players if they can remember anything more stupid. The 10hp Cleric charging the dragon turtle was up there as a contender but I think this one edges that.

Adam, on a personal note, despite all the abuse I throw at you in these reviews, please don’t ever change the way you D&D.

Then we will fight in the shade.

As Drikk Fra-Kar, six-time grand champion of the Luskan extreme arena once said: “Look, if you know you are about to be on the receiving end of a bunch of pointy sticks fired at you from a long way off, don’t just stand there like a fucking scarecrow! TAKE FUCKING COVER!”

There is a 20ft tall palisade right next to the bridge that is specifically designed to protect against ranged attacks.

The DM had eleven javelin attacks left and three ~~idiots~~ players standing on the bridge to aim at. The attacks were evenly split with one left over and the dice gods promptly fucked over Jake which was probably just karma because he had insisted on being the highest and most visible target DESPITE HAVING THE LOWEST ARMOUR CLASS!

Apologies, had to get my blood pressure back under control. So, four attacks at disadvantage (due to range) on Lastbelas, one lands and hits so hard even shield couldn’t protect the gimpy wizard.

Lastbelas> From that one attack I’m a bit ropey

Probably shouldn’t have just stood out in the open like a numpty then.

Three attacks at Elvira resulted in one hit. Three at Regulus all missed. The only one not attacked was Isaac, the idiot cleric who still had enough sense to stand behind the giant wall of wood. Unfortunately, Isaac’s brief dalliance with sensibility did not last long.

This is blasphemy! This is madness!

Isaac charged right up to the orcs <sigh>

Isaac> Then I will shout out “I will save you ugly green person! As I kill all these ugly green people!”
*suicide is painless starts playing again on the discord bot
Isaac> “The power of Lathander compels you!” and then I will pull out my holy symbol. Can all of those orcs Gary, make a Con saving throw please?
DM> <wondering what this cheese will be> What are you trying to do exactly?
Isaac> It’s my Channel Divinity, it is Radiance of Dawn. It dispels all magical darkness within 30ft…
*Well that’s pointless here, thought the DM
Isaac> Each hostile creature must make a Con saving throw or take 2d10 +2 radiant damage, half on save.
“Fucking hell!” Thought the DM
“Fucking hell!” Said Lastbelas.
“Bloody hell!” Said Regulus.
DM> <trying, and failing, not to sound too sceptical because he generally trusts Chris on these things as opposed to, say, Adam> Yeah, I’ll need to look that up because that does not sound right…

It was right. The main question around the table was ‘How has Adam not discovered this cheese previously?!’

The cheese attack hit the orcs for a combined 108 radiant damage.

Fucking Light Clerics, I miss the Bard already <sigh>

Isaac then used his last remaining movement to jump in the water.

Clearly, you don’t know our women.

Elvira killed an orc from the bridge and then the orc shaman popped out of the water and commanded Lastbelas to ‘Dive’ resulting in him diving into the water. This gave the DM a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

At the end of this round eight elf scouts that had been pursuing the orc warband appeared on the river bank. The scouts get two attacks with their longbows and the promptly set about massacring the orcs. The warband split with half going for the scouts and half going for the players at the bridge.

Gurrash died in single combat with the scout leader and Norgra did not last long after.

At the bridge, Regulus dropped a Grease spell on the bank causing the encroaching orc half-horde to have to go around it in the water. This allowed them to surround the idiot cat cheese-cleric though.

Underwater combat means melee at disadvantage unless specific weapons are used. One of those weapons is the javelin. The cat got repeatedly punctured.

CLERIC DOWN!

As he is in the water he cannot recover hit points until he can breathe again and he cannot be stabilised. It was agreed that NOW would be a good time to levitate him out of there. Just for good measure, and because the DM is a dick, he had the pending cat-corpse start drifting away downstream.

Elvira> I levitate the cat!

DM> Ok… there is now a drowned cat dangling 20ft in the air! You don’t see that every day.

Now that 40% of the party were down it was decided that Regulus had the right idea and moving to somewhere a tad more defensive was in order. Even the gimpy wizard abandoned his bridge fetish and went back into the village.

A much diminished half-horde of orcs made it to the bridge and attacked the three remaining defenders. Elvira got hit hard by a Greataxe!

ARCHER DOWN!

Lastbelas> Oh no! Is it going to just be the gimpy wizard left defending the town?

No. It was the gimpy wizard and the psycho-bot.

As Elvira was unconscious, the idiot cat cleric dropped out of the sky and back into the river where he started drowning again. The DM got that warm fuzzy feeling again.

The DM, surveying the chaos and several impending player-corpses, commented that it would be really useful to have a cleric that could cast Healing Word as a bonus action right about now instead of going out in a suicide bombing run.

In response Chris wielded his 5 Int like a Shield of Deflection +3, blaming everything on being stupid, and the DM reluctantly agreed he had a point.

Lastbelas cut loose with a Magic Missile barrage and killed two orcs that the idiot cat cheese-cleric had messed up earlier.

However, he then undid all his good work by trying to totally cheese a bonus action healing kit to get Elvira up <sigh>. Cheese of the truly smelly variety there, shame on you!

There are two orcs left and Regulus has a choice; attack or cast a healing spell on Elvira. He gets the Archer back on her feet!

The two orcs attack! It could all end here!

They both miss! Yaaaay!

The scouts finished off the last of the orcs on the mainland and the two orcs on the island were summarily executed by a combination of Firebolt, Magic Missile and a double-stabby shortsword attack.

End of combat… aaaand relax.

The elf scout leader, with no love for the village, shouts sarcastically at the party “YOU’RE WELCOME!” and they bugger off back to Ardeep Forest.

They fished the idiot cat cheese cleric out of the river and then the DM used some subtle subliminal messaging to get them to loot the magic staff off of the corpse of the shaman. Lastbelas receives a Staff of Fixing; +1 to AC and can cast Mage Armour and Shield.

DING DING! Level 3!

End of session!

Some final thoughts

Well that was a bit of a slog with the DM at one point running 22 orcs and eight scouts causing some long turns. On the plus side, that entire fight basically got you from level two to level three in one session.

Obviously standing on the bridge was a bad idea. One alternative, apart from defending the gap, was to hole up in the windmill. It only has one door, 5ft wide and you know you can snipe from the top of it in cover. There were a few ways to go. You went with the more er… direct approach 🙂

Adam asked at the end how hard it is to get killed in 5^th edition. Hard. Put it this way, when you reduce an orc to 0HP it gets killed, whereas when an orc reduces you to 0HP you fall unconscious. It then takes three failed death saves to actually die. If we reverse that and say that when you KO an Orc it will take three more hits to actually kill it, would you spend those attacks on a target that can’t hurt you, or would you focus on an orc that is still throwing javelins at you? Generally speaking, enemies will attack outstanding threats before targeting downed players, unless they are especially smart or especially vindictive.

Next time on Ten-foot Squares:

– Can Matt be bothered to turn up or will darts/dominoes/bowls simply be more important than D&D?

– What can Adam do that could possibly be as stupid as what he did this week?

– What revised character will Chris turn up with and how is he going to play the 5 Int?

– Will Christina blatantly misgender anyone else?!

Tune in next week to find out!