Welcome fight fans! Welcome to the fight of the century session last half hour!
It’s PvP time in the arena and make no mistake fight fans, butts are going to get well and truly hurt here today!
As Drikk Fra-Kar, six-time grand champion of the Luskan extreme arena, once said “Time for a real fight! Pucker up Buttercup! HERE COMES THE BUTTHURT!”
In the southwest corner we have the diminutive dynamo Uhffo Piddlefeet, bard extrordinaire! Will the others recognise the threat?
In the northwest corner we have Cruril “The Indecisive” Cleric. Will he go left? Will he go right? If he doesn’t know, how can the enemy know?! Brilliant strategy!
In the northeast corner we have Ari the Wizard! Spectacular fireworks are expected from this preteen elf but she is sure to be the main target in this fight!
In the southeast corner we have the bountyless hunter and pre-match favourite, Darin Moonwhisper! How will the rogue manage stealth attacks with no allies in the arena?
And last, and definitely least (in initiative terms) stuck out in the open in the middle of the arena and giving not one single toss about it, we have Kroq “Wasn’t your mum a dragon?” the Dragonborn Fighter.
Tensions were running high before this fight with a level of smack talk not seen in these parts since the last time a fighter mocked a wizard for not being as good as a sorcerer.
No attacks are allowed during the first round of the battle so Uffo starts proceedings by casting Invisibility and then bravely does absolutely nothing else. Cru summons the holy symbol of The Hoff and then stays in place. Ari casts Mage Armour and hides. Darin scouts out Kroq and Ari. Kroq heads halfway between Ari and Darin. That’s the preliminaries over… now its fight time, fight fans!
Uffo does nothing. Cru does next to nothing. Ari casts Blur on herself. Darin attacks Kroq for a fuckton of damage. Kroq has to decide to attack Darin and get Fireballed or attack the squishy wizard and get sneak attacked again by the rogue.
Kroq steams into Ari with about 17 attacks and the Wizard goes down hard! Ooooh! The DM felt that one from way over here! Ari is not happy!
WIZARD DOWN!
Kroq retreats to cover, a cagey round of mano manoo maneouv ‘moving about’ completes, and then Darin gets his measurements wrong and is left exposed! Kroq charges in and the canny bard and indecisive cleric move into the centre of the shrinking arena.
Uhffo drops his invisibility to cast some Faerie Fire shite on both Darin and Kroq making them both easier to hit. Darin was asked if he could make a Dexterity save. The very dextrous rogue replied “Yes! Yes I can!” and then rolled a 9.
No. No, he can’t!
Rather than team up to defeat the diminutive irritant, Darin and Kroq hammer each other with the Dragonborn hitting the floor first.
FIGHTER DOWN!
Uhffo then manages to land a Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on Darin and the Rogue hit the floor laughing his tits off at the fact that he simply cannot make a save to get out of it. Darin may have been laughing but Henry was fuming! The rogue was then pecked to death by a giant plastic dildo and two ‘non-combat’ characters.
ROGUE DOWN!
Oh the humiliation, fight fans! Darin may take a while to get over this one!
Uhffo finishes off Cru with the WoMM and is proclaimed victor of this first brutal Battle Royale!
CLERIC DOWN!
The rogue bitterly complained about players hiding and ‘not doing shit’ and yet still emerging victorious. The butthurt from this one will be with us for a while, fight fans!